Bad news, they haven't got it all!....... all I could muster for a response was a trail of kisses.  What is that?  I have no idea what I am supposed to do or say right now and so I say nothing, except here where it is invisible.  Is that a forgivable reaction? 

I went to see her the other day just after the operation in hospital she was surrounded by family and her new friends whom I didn't really know so I just sort of stood in the background looking on.  It was surreal all the things I wanted to say to her all the many things I wanted to do for her and yet nothing, absolutely nothing, I can't find anything at all.  I just stood there wasting the oxygen like one big fat waste of space.......... the most odd of responses. 

We busy ourselves all our lives with trivial stuff.  Arguing over the most meaningless things finding words where they are unnecessary, this is an area that I am particularly gifted, and now, now when I really need to come up with the goods............ there is nothing!  Absolutely pathetic and completely lost.  Now sick of using the word I, I feel redundant, I don't know what to say, I I I I ......... I cannot describe the guilt I feel for using the word I but it is the only anything that is coming out of my mouth right now.

Chemotherapy is the next treat she has in store.  She has already been through so much already and it is beginning to seem like this is only the start of a very long chapter in her life............ I just hope the story goes on a lot longer and I could erase this section.

Closing with the same futile row of kisses I sent her xxxxxx