Christmas cheer

Okay, well time for me to cheer this blog up....... I understand it doesn't help anyone but it has been a useful place for me to get rid of pent up stuff.

Anyhow Christmas is nearly over for another year and what a fantastic time it has been.  The children have had a lovely time I am possibly ruining them with all the gifts but I just can't help myself.  There have been tough times when we didn't have much but as things aren't to bad at the moment, I figure what the hell!  Now I know it isn't in with the true meaning of Christmas but the whole Santa thing can't hurt.

Its that time of year when I start with the lists of things I intend to give up, smoking is always on that list.  I did try last year and still have the list on my back door to stop me stepping out but I have another motivation as well as my children, Sally.  Last year I piled on the pounds after giving up and as losing weight was the other item on my list I struggled.  I did manage to shed a few pounds when I started again but I really didn't want to smoke again, this year I have to try and find a way to stop and not stuff myself full of rubbish but I went off food completely last time well food of the healthy variety!

I do love lists though especially this time of year all the top 100 shows makes for great tv....... as for the smoking watch this space!

Bad news, they haven't got it all!....... all I could muster for a response was a trail of kisses.  What is that?  I have no idea what I am supposed to do or say right now and so I say nothing, except here where it is invisible.  Is that a forgivable reaction? 

I went to see her the other day just after the operation in hospital she was surrounded by family and her new friends whom I didn't really know so I just sort of stood in the background looking on.  It was surreal all the things I wanted to say to her all the many things I wanted to do for her and yet nothing, absolutely nothing, I can't find anything at all.  I just stood there wasting the oxygen like one big fat waste of space.......... the most odd of responses. 

We busy ourselves all our lives with trivial stuff.  Arguing over the most meaningless things finding words where they are unnecessary, this is an area that I am particularly gifted, and now, now when I really need to come up with the goods............ there is nothing!  Absolutely pathetic and completely lost.  Now sick of using the word I, I feel redundant, I don't know what to say, I I I I ......... I cannot describe the guilt I feel for using the word I but it is the only anything that is coming out of my mouth right now.

Chemotherapy is the next treat she has in store.  She has already been through so much already and it is beginning to seem like this is only the start of a very long chapter in her life............ I just hope the story goes on a lot longer and I could erase this section.

Closing with the same futile row of kisses I sent her xxxxxx 

 

Results.....

Results day for Sally!  Still waiting to hear the verdict, hope to God she is okay and they have managed to get it all out.  Maybe not the most interesting blog for the world, but good to get it out...... no one else I can share it with!